My name is Pabst Selker, Heavy Machinery Operator #9. I often find myself daydreaming on the job. This is why I was recently fired from Ticker, Inc. where I had the pleasure of lifting pallets of string cheese onto shelves.

Why do you care about any of this, you might be asking yourself. Good... very good. I see that you are asking yourself this question. I see that you are an intelligent person. Well, being one of those myself, I feel that it is only fair to inform you of my intentions. Bear with me.

I recently received an email from Modiwa Latima of Sierra Leone. He informed me of a tragedy that recently happened in his family. In short, his father--who was the president of his own diamond mining company--was assassinated. Fearing for his life and the lives of those in his family, he decided to uproot and relocate to a nearby village on the border of Sierra Leone and Liberia called Kakata. From here, he's been frantically trying to reach somebody, anybody who can help him secure the fortune that his father left for him and his family.

When I first received his email, I thought logically. Why would someone in Kakata be contacting a podunk little HMO (heave mahinery operator) for help with such a financial pickle? Why in Chad, Alabama? Why not someone else? Why me? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Who? Google was the answer.

Therefore, I googled this man and found out that he was an extremely powerful African man-god who had blessed/wreaked havoc on thousands of African villages throughout the millenia. This being the case, I figured that I'd better help this homeboy out unless I wanted havoc wreaked on me. I sent him a significant chunk of my life savings... ok, all of it. He needed it in order to get the enough leverage to get the money from the [insert more financial jargon here]. Anyway, now I'm just waiting. For what you might be wondering? Oh, you know.

So how does this inolve you? It doesn't.